20 Terrifying Marketing Jokes to Celebrate Spooky Season

I’ll admit it: I’m one of those fall-loving, Halloween-obsessed people who just can’t wait to feel that crispness in the air and break out the spooky decorations. It’s the one time of year where everyone briefly shares my interest in horror movies and scary stories. So when asked to write another in my series of marketing jokes posts, I had to seize the opportunity to make it scary. Granted, my jokes usually provoke more groans and moans than a cemetery full of ghouls, but at least these are painful on purpose. Read on and laugh… if you dare! 

20 Terrifying Marketing Jokes for Halloween

Jokes about sea monsters don’t have super high search volume, but they do have a long tail. Our new viral ad campaign causes people to grow moles in the shape of our brand logo. We call it growth marketing. You say, “Creepy psychic who locks everyone in the school gym and burns it down,” but I say “Thought leader who knows how to captivate an audience.” I hear Sally Hogshead has ten buttons on her Halloween costume, but she can only fascinate. Q: Have you seen the mummy’s new ad campaign? A: Of course not, it’s still under wraps. Say what you will about Frankenstein’s skills as a marketer, but he really knew how to build an audience. Before I hand out treats this Halloween, I’m going to pop out of the bushes and demand the kids confirm they will accept cookies. I hired zombies to do my persona research. They really know how to get into other people’s heads. I also hired the Invisible Man to help with our rebranding initiative. He’s really helping us nail authenticity and transparency. Hey, social media marketers: The Necronomicon was the original Facebook. I’m starting an ABM campaign targeted at The Hulk. They’re all Banner ads. Q: Why is the abominable snowman so bad at sales? A: He spends all his time making cold calls. I’m writing a huge SEO piece about banshees. It’s a really high volume keyword. Jason Voorhees may not be the most empathetic marketer, but he’s great with cutting edge technology. You say, “Creepy doll that can turn its head all the way around,” but I say, “Smart marketer with a 360-degree view of the customer journey.” Q: Are poltergeists really that powerful as influencers? A: Yeah, they’re real movers and shakers. If your brand is targeting monster hunters, you should focus on Van Helsing: He’s the primary stakeholder. Q: Why are alien body-snatchers such great LinkedIn marketers? A: They know how to build lookalike audiences. I rubbed a lamp the other day and a genie popped out! I wished for more qualified leads, but he said, “Sorry, I’m just a Demand Djinn.” I added a Ouija board to my martech stack, but I’m not sure if it’s moving the needle.

B2B Doesn’t Have to Be Scary

It wouldn’t be hard to write a horror movie for modern B2B marketers. With the loss of third-party data, the decline of organic reach, and the move from open platforms to dark social, the potential for terror is high. But any horror fan knows that you can survive and get to a happy ending if you don’t give up, make smart choices, and use every resource at your disposal. All jokes aside (finally!), we’re here to help. Start with some sage advice from Ann Handley in our first Elevate B2B podcast!

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